Dysfunctional Fairytale #4: Cinderella
by Kurisuta R.L. NightHawk
Summary: This is my account of Cinderella's true story. Please r/r!


Dysfunctional Fairytale #4  
The Truth About Cinderella  
By Kurisuta R.L. NightHawk & C.C. Scott  
  
A long long time ago,in once upon a time time, there lived a handsome young lawyer named Herald. Herald lived with his wife and daughter in a small town in Ohio. Herald's wife, Lucinda, died just after their daughter turned 8. The daughter was named Danika.  
Herald knew that he could not raise Danika alone,and so,he sought to remarry. When he found a suitable mother,he jumped at the chance,and married her.  
The new mother for Danika was named Matilda. She was a fat,ugly,old woman. Herald must have been blind. Well, Matilda had two very horrifying beasts that she passed off as daughters. Their names were Anastasia and Drucilla. Now all of them were quite putrid.  
One day, Herald died,of a sudden illness. Some say it was cancer,some poison..but the most popular rumor was that he died of shock when he found out that Matilda had maxed out all of his major credit cards...which is true,I cannot say.  
Well,anyways..Matilda did not remarry. With the absence of a husband,she became Mistress of the household. Even if it was a swanky penthouse room in a new apartment in New York City.  
Danika was reduced to wearing hand-me-downs from her ugly stepsisters,and was made fun of at school. She fell in with the wrong crowd,and was soon into drugs,alcohol, and Pokemon. She soon became known as "MaryJuana" after her most common problem.  
So MaryJuana was made a slave in her own household. She did stupid things,like putting the cat in the microwave,and trying to walk on water,while it was boiling..  
  
When the mail came in one day, there was a golden envelope,addressed to "Matilda Wartz and Ugly Daughters". MaryJuana kept the letter as long as she could,but it was discovered. When it was opened,inside was found an invitation. The Grand Opening of a new CourtHouse was to be celebrated in a fortnight! How exciting!  
But alas,MaryJuana was banned from going. A little accident involving hairspray,Drucilla's hair,and a match....caused this. On the night of the party,MaryJuana was left at home,as the others left in their taxi.  
All alone,MaryJuana wept endlessly. She wanted so badly to go too. But as she cried,she felt a craving for her favorite habit.She rolled herself a joint and set to getting high. When MaryJuana was flying with the 747's..she felt a tingling.  
She heard something ask "Why you cryin?" and when she turned,her jaw dropped. There stood a Jamaican reggae man with long dredlocks. He held in his hand,a long joint,which had tendrils of smoke drifting lazily into the air.  
"Hey gurl..doan cry" he said,tilting his shades to see over them. "You gonna go to da party baby gurl..is all good".  
MaryJuana instantly threw down her joint,backing away. "Oh dude..I'm so stoned..." she said softly.."Who are you?"  
The man answered with "I'm yur Rasta GodFather,WyClef."  
"Now..lessee.." he looked her over,then waved the joint over her. Instantly,she was dressed in a beautiful black dress. She sighed "No taxis will come this late..it's 11:30.." she said with a downhearted smile.  
WyClef grinned..held up a finger,and dashed into the kitchen. He raided the refrigerator,coming back with a small box. Inside was the last twinkie. MaryJuana looked at it longingly,she had the munchies badly. WyClef took her hand and led her outside. He placed the twinkie on the ground,pointed his joint-wand at it,and *POOF*. There sat a sparkly golden taxi with white leather interior. As he pushed her in,WyClef warned.."You gosta be home by 1 AM,or all dis turns back to twinkie" he grins,sending her on her way.  
So anyways, MaryJuana arrives at the courthouse. When she gets there,she notices a bum selling drugs on the street.She handed him $100 (her allowance for 2 years) and he gave her a baggy of weed and an old adapter for an inhaler (asthma) to use as a concealed pipe.  
She stuffed this into her dress and made her way inside. Here,she met the Judge and his son. The two danced on into the night,love blossoming all around them. And just as the son (Anthony) was about to kiss MaryJuana,the clock began to strike 1 AM. Mary Juana tore herself from his arms and ran down the steps. She dropped her pipe on the way down the steps,and dove into the taxi. It sped off home,and when it became a twinkie,she ate it.   
As for Anthony,he set off all around the town,to find the girl who dropped the pipe. This girl would be his first case.And then,she'd be thrown into prison for life,if she was found guilty.  
When Anthony made his last stop,at the home of the Wartzes,he looked about. He noted the heavy film of smoke in the air,and the dizziness he felt when he inhaled. He had both of the ugly stepsisters try and identify the inhaler,but neither of them smoked.  
But when he found MaryJuana in a corner,trying to eat the rhododendrons,he knew that she was the one. And so,he hauled in the cops,and bagged the evidence. The trial was to take place immediately.  
Due to circumstancial evidence,MaryJuana lost her case. WyClef moved back to Jamaica,and the evil Wartzes are now very old,and very dead. MaryJuana is currently rotting in prison,serving an eternal sentence.  
And they all lived...well..lived...  
  
The End  
  
From the Author who Brought you:  
  
Dysfunctional Fairytales:  
#1-Little Red Riding Hood  
#2-Snow White  
#3-Sleeping Beauty  
#5-Rumplestiltskin 


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